Po n\u011bkter\u00fdch rozhovorech nep\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed \u00faleva, ani kdy\u017e se \u010dlov\u011bk omluv\u00ed. P\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed sp\u00ed\u0161 t\u00edha, neklid a ot\u00e1zka, co vlastn\u011b ud\u011blal \u0161patn\u011b. Mo\u017en\u00e1 zv\u00fd\u0161il hlas. Mo\u017en\u00e1 n\u011bco \u0159ekl necitliv\u011b. Mo\u017en\u00e1 se jen odm\u00edtl p\u0159izp\u016fsobit. Pr\u00e1v\u011b v t\u011bchto chv\u00edl\u00edch je u\u017eite\u010dn\u00e9 v\u011bd\u011bt, jak rozli\u0161it vinu a odpov\u011bdnost. Ne proto, aby \u010dlov\u011bk ze v\u0161eho vy\u0161el bez chyby, ale aby neza\u010dal n\u00e9st n\u011bco, co mu ve skute\u010dnosti nepat\u0159\u00ed.<\/p>\n
Vina a odpov\u011bdnost se \u010dasto zam\u011b\u0148uj\u00ed, proto\u017ee ob\u011b mohou v\u00e9st k podobn\u00e9 v\u011bt\u011b: \u201eMrz\u00ed m\u011b to.\u201c Je mezi nimi ale z\u00e1sadn\u00ed rozd\u00edl. Odpov\u011bdnost se vztahuje ke konkr\u00e9tn\u00edmu jedn\u00e1n\u00ed a jeho d\u016fsledk\u016fm. Vina se m\u016f\u017ee rozl\u00e9vat mnohem d\u00e1l – do pocitu, \u017ee jsem \u0161patn\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk, \u017ee ubli\u017euji u\u017e svou existenc\u00ed, pot\u0159ebami nebo hranicemi.<\/p>\n
\u010clov\u011bk, kter\u00fd um\u00ed n\u00e9st odpov\u011bdnost, nemus\u00ed pop\u00edrat svou chybu. M\u016f\u017ee \u0159\u00edct: \u201eTohle jsem nezvl\u00e1dl dob\u0159e. Ch\u00e1pu, \u017ee t\u011b to zranilo. P\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b chci reagovat jinak.\u201c Neznamen\u00e1 to, \u017ee p\u0159eb\u00edr\u00e1 cel\u00fd p\u0159\u00edb\u011bh druh\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka, jeho zklam\u00e1n\u00ed, d\u00e1vn\u00e1 zran\u011bn\u00ed ani zp\u016fsob, jak\u00fdm se rozhodne reagovat.<\/p>\n
Pocit viny naproti tomu \u010dasto zn\u00ed jinak: \u201eKdybych to ne\u0159ekl, nebyl by tak na\u0161tvan\u00fd.\u201c \u201eKdybych byl klidn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed, nemusela by plakat.\u201c \u201eMo\u017en\u00e1 m\u00e1 pravdu, \u017ee jsem sobec.\u201c V t\u011bchto v\u011bt\u00e1ch u\u017e neb\u00fdv\u00e1 jen poctiv\u00fd pohled na vlastn\u00ed pod\u00edl. B\u00fdv\u00e1 v nich snaha rychle obnovit klid t\u00edm, \u017ee se \u010dlov\u011bk vzd\u00e1 vlastn\u00edho vn\u00edm\u00e1n\u00ed.<\/p>\n
V konfliktu mohou b\u00fdt sou\u010dasn\u011b pravdiv\u00e9 dv\u011b v\u011bci. Mohli jste mluvit ost\u0159e a druh\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk mohl reagovat nep\u0159im\u011b\u0159en\u011b, ur\u00e1\u017eliv\u011b nebo trest\u00e1n\u00edm ml\u010den\u00edm. Mohli jste pozd\u011b sd\u011blit d\u016fle\u017eitou informaci a druh\u00fd p\u0159esto nem\u00e1 pr\u00e1vo v\u00e1s kv\u016fli tomu shazovat. Mohli jste odej\u00edt z rozhovoru, proto\u017ee jste byli zahlceni, a z\u00e1rove\u0148 druh\u00e9ho m\u016f\u017ee va\u0161e n\u00e1hl\u00e9 odml\u010den\u00ed zranit.<\/p>\n
Tato dvoj\u00ed pravda b\u00fdv\u00e1 pro mnoho lid\u00ed t\u011b\u017ek\u00e1. Jsou zvykl\u00ed hledat jednoho vin\u00edka. Bu\u010f sebe, nebo druh\u00e9ho. Jen\u017ee vztahov\u00e1 realita takto \u010dist\u00e1 \u010dasto nen\u00ed. P\u0159esn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ot\u00e1zka nezn\u00ed: \u201eKdo za to m\u016f\u017ee?\u201c Zn\u00ed: \u201eJak\u00fd byl m\u016fj konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed pod\u00edl? Co bylo na stran\u011b druh\u00e9ho? A co u\u017e je mezi n\u00e1mi dlouhodob\u00fd vzorec, kter\u00fd jeden rozhovor jen odkryl?\u201c<\/p>\n
P\u0159edstavte si situaci, kdy partnerka \u0159ekne, \u017ee pot\u0159ebuje ve\u010der pro sebe. Partner reaguje zklaman\u011b: \u201eJasn\u011b, j\u00e1 t\u011b vlastn\u011b nikdy nezaj\u00edm\u00e1m.\u201c Jej\u00ed odpov\u011bdnost m\u016f\u017ee spo\u010d\u00edvat v tom, zda svou pot\u0159ebu sd\u011blila jasn\u011b, s respektem a bez pohrd\u00e1n\u00ed. Nen\u00ed v\u0161ak odpov\u011bdn\u00e1 za to, \u017ee druh\u00fd jej\u00ed hranici automaticky p\u0159elo\u017e\u00ed jako odm\u00edtnut\u00ed cel\u00e9 sv\u00e9 osoby.<\/p>\n
To neznamen\u00e1, \u017ee jeho bolest nen\u00ed skute\u010dn\u00e1. M\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt. Jen nen\u00ed automaticky d\u016fkazem jej\u00ed viny. Bolest druh\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka n\u011bkdy ukazuje na to, co se mezi v\u00e1mi stalo. Jindy otev\u00edr\u00e1 n\u011bco star\u0161\u00edho, co se aktivovalo v p\u0159\u00edtomn\u00e9m okam\u017eiku. Rozli\u0161it jedno od druh\u00e9ho vy\u017eaduje klidn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed pohled, ne okam\u017eitou omluvu.<\/p>\n
U\u017eite\u010dn\u00e9 b\u00fdv\u00e1 vr\u00e1tit se k situaci t\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 doslovn\u011b. Ne k tomu, jak jste se po n\u00ed c\u00edtili, ale co se skute\u010dn\u011b odehr\u00e1lo. Co bylo \u0159e\u010deno? Jak\u00fdm t\u00f3nem? Co jste ud\u011blali vy? Co ud\u011blal druh\u00fd? Kter\u00e1 \u010d\u00e1st je ov\u011b\u0159iteln\u00fd fakt a kter\u00e1 u\u017e je v\u00fdklad?<\/p>\n
Nap\u0159\u00edklad: \u201e\u0158ekla jsem, \u017ee dnes nep\u0159ijedu\u201c je fakt. \u201eZklamala jsem ji a jsem hrozn\u00e1 dcera\u201c je interpretace. \u201eOn po m\u00e9 v\u011bt\u011b t\u0159i dny neodpov\u00eddal\u201c je fakt. \u201eMus\u00edm se omluvit, aby se zase za\u010dal chovat norm\u00e1ln\u011b\u201c je z\u00e1v\u011br, kter\u00fd m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt pochopiteln\u00fd, ale je\u0161t\u011b nemus\u00ed b\u00fdt pravdiv\u00fd.<\/p>\n
Toto rozli\u0161en\u00ed nen\u00ed slov\u00ed\u010dka\u0159en\u00ed. Ve chv\u00edli, kdy je \u010dlov\u011bk pod tlakem, m\u00e1 tendenci zam\u011bnit ciz\u00ed n\u00e1ladu za d\u016fkaz vlastn\u00edho provin\u011bn\u00ed. Druh\u00fd je smutn\u00fd, rozzloben\u00fd nebo odta\u017eit\u00fd – a vnit\u0159n\u011b se okam\u017eit\u011b spust\u00ed povinnost situaci opravit. N\u011bkdy je oprava na m\u00edst\u011b. N\u011bkdy se t\u00edm ale jen upev\u0148uje dynamika, v n\u00ed\u017e jeden pro\u017e\u00edv\u00e1 a druh\u00fd se p\u0159izp\u016fsobuje.<\/p>\n
Odpov\u011bdnost m\u00e1 obvykle jasn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed obrysy. D\u00e1 se popsat konkr\u00e9tn\u00edm slovesem: ne\u0159ekl jsem to v\u010das, poru\u0161ila jsem dohodu, zesm\u011b\u0161nil jsem t\u011b p\u0159ed druh\u00fdmi, p\u0159ehl\u00e9dla jsem d\u016fle\u017eitou informaci, ode\u0161el jsem bez vysv\u011btlen\u00ed. S odpov\u011bdnost\u00ed lze n\u011bco d\u011blat – uznat ji, omluvit se, napravit \u0161kodu, zm\u011bnit dal\u0161\u00ed jedn\u00e1n\u00ed.<\/p>\n
Vina je \u010dasto neur\u010dit\u00e1 a celkov\u00e1. Ne\u0159\u00edk\u00e1 \u201eud\u011blal jsem chybu\u201c, ale \u201ejsem probl\u00e9m\u201c. Nevede k n\u00e1prav\u011b, sp\u00ed\u0161 k sebepop\u0159en\u00ed, \u00fastupk\u016fm a \u00fazkostn\u00e9mu sledov\u00e1n\u00ed n\u00e1lad druh\u00fdch. \u010clov\u011bk pak ne\u0159e\u0161\u00ed, co by p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b ud\u011blal p\u0159esn\u011bji. Sna\u017e\u00ed se b\u00fdt m\u00e9n\u011b vid\u011bt, m\u00e9n\u011b cht\u00edt, m\u00e9n\u011b p\u0159ek\u00e1\u017eet.<\/p>\n
Zral\u00e1 omluva neb\u00fdv\u00e1 dlouh\u00e1 obhajoba ani \u00fapln\u00e1 kapitulace. M\u016f\u017ee zn\u00edt prost\u011b: \u201eMrz\u00ed m\u011b, \u017ee jsem t\u011b p\u0159eru\u0161il a mluvil podr\u00e1\u017ed\u011bn\u011b. To byl m\u016fj pod\u00edl.\u201c Tato v\u011bta uzn\u00e1v\u00e1 konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed dopad, ani\u017e by z\u00e1rove\u0148 tvrdila: \u201eZa cel\u00fd konflikt nesu odpov\u011bdnost j\u00e1.\u201c<\/p>\n
Podobn\u011b lze dr\u017eet hranici i v situaci, kdy druh\u00fd po\u017eaduje \u0161ir\u0161\u00ed p\u0159izn\u00e1n\u00ed viny: \u201eRozum\u00edm, \u017ee t\u011b moje rozhodnut\u00ed zranilo. Necht\u011bla jsem t\u011b ranit. P\u0159esto sv\u00e9 rozhodnut\u00ed nem\u011bn\u00edm.\u201c Pro n\u011bkoho, kdo je zvykl\u00fd klid kupovat p\u0159izp\u016fsoben\u00edm, m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt takov\u00e1 v\u011bta nezvykle obt\u00ed\u017en\u00e1. Ne proto, \u017ee by byla tvrd\u00e1, ale proto\u017ee nevstupuje do zn\u00e1m\u00e9ho mechanismu: jeden tla\u010d\u00ed a druh\u00fd se omlouv\u00e1, dokud tlak nepolev\u00ed.<\/p>\n
N\u011bkdy nen\u00ed probl\u00e9mem jedna chyba, ale prost\u0159ed\u00ed, ve kter\u00e9m se chyba ned\u00e1 napravit. Druh\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk p\u0159ipom\u00edn\u00e1 star\u00e9 selh\u00e1n\u00ed i po omluv\u011b, zpochyb\u0148uje va\u0161e \u00famysly nebo ka\u017edou hranici ozna\u010d\u00ed za sobectv\u00ed. Konflikt se pak neuzav\u00edr\u00e1. St\u00e1v\u00e1 se z n\u011bj d\u016fkazn\u00ed \u0159\u00edzen\u00ed, ve kter\u00e9m m\u00e1te st\u00e1le dokazovat, \u017ee nejste \u0161patn\u00ed.<\/p>\n
To m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt velmi nen\u00e1padn\u00e9. Nen\u00ed nutn\u00e9, aby n\u011bkdo otev\u0159en\u011b \u0159ekl: \u201eZa v\u0161echno m\u016f\u017ee\u0161 ty.\u201c Sta\u010d\u00ed opakovan\u00e9 v\u011bty jako: \u201ePo tom v\u0161em, co pro tebe d\u011bl\u00e1m.\u201c \u201eTy v\u017edycky v\u0161echno oto\u010d\u00ed\u0161 proti mn\u011b.\u201c \u201eKdybys m\u011b opravdu miloval, nemusel bych ti to vysv\u011btlovat.\u201c \u010clov\u011bk pak \u010dasto neza\u010dne pochybovat jen o jednotliv\u00e9 situaci, ale o sv\u00e9 schopnosti ji v\u016fbec spr\u00e1vn\u011b vyhodnotit.<\/p>\n
V takov\u00e9 dynamice je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9 nepou\u017e\u00edvat pojem odpov\u011bdnost jako d\u016fvod k je\u0161t\u011b v\u011bt\u0161\u00edmu sebeobvi\u0148ov\u00e1n\u00ed. Ano, ka\u017ed\u00fd m\u016f\u017ee zkoumat sv\u016fj t\u00f3n, volby, slep\u00e1 m\u00edsta i opakuj\u00edc\u00ed se obrany. To ale nen\u00ed tot\u00e9\u017e jako p\u0159ijmout ciz\u00ed definici sebe sama. Odpov\u011bdnost vy\u017eaduje kontakt s realitou. Manipulativn\u00ed vina kontakt s realitou naopak rozost\u0159uje.<\/p>\n
N\u011bkdy pom\u016f\u017ee v\u0161imnout si, co se d\u011bje po va\u0161\u00ed omluv\u011b. Je mo\u017en\u00e9 mluvit o n\u00e1prav\u011b? Vrac\u00ed se rozhovor k v\u011bci? Nebo se po\u017eadavky posouvaj\u00ed, minulost se vr\u0161\u00ed a va\u0161e vysv\u011btlen\u00ed nikdy nesta\u010d\u00ed? Nejde o to druh\u00e9ho rychle ozna\u010dit. Jde o pozorov\u00e1n\u00ed vzorce a jeho \u00fa\u010dinku na v\u00e1s.<\/p>\n
P\u0159evz\u00edt odpov\u011bdnost m\u016f\u017ee bolet. N\u011bkdy znamen\u00e1 uznat, \u017ee jsme se zachovali zp\u016fsobem, kter\u00fd neodpov\u00edd\u00e1 tomu, k\u00fdm chceme b\u00fdt. M\u016f\u017ee znamenat p\u0159ijmout ztr\u00e1tu d\u016fv\u011bry nebo to, \u017ee druh\u00fd pot\u0159ebuje \u010das. \u017d\u00e1dn\u00e1 p\u0159esn\u00e1 pr\u00e1ce s hranicemi neslou\u017e\u00ed k tomu, aby zru\u0161ila d\u016fsledky na\u0161ich \u010din\u016f.<\/p>\n
Z\u00e1rove\u0148 sebetrest\u00e1n\u00ed nen\u00ed zn\u00e1mkou v\u011bt\u0161\u00ed mor\u00e1lnosti. Pokud po chyb\u011b z\u016fst\u00e1v\u00e1te dlouho uv\u011bzn\u011bni v my\u0161lence, \u017ee si nezaslou\u017e\u00edte bl\u00edzkost, klid nebo dal\u0161\u00ed \u0161anci, nepom\u00e1h\u00e1 to ani v\u00e1m, ani \u010dlov\u011bku, kter\u00e9mu jste ubl\u00ed\u017eili. \u010casto to jen p\u0159esune pozornost z konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed n\u00e1pravy k va\u0161emu utrpen\u00ed.<\/p>\n
P\u0159esn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed postoj m\u016f\u017ee zn\u00edt: \u201eVid\u00edm, co jsem ud\u011blal. Nezleh\u010duji to. Ud\u011bl\u00e1m, co je mo\u017en\u00e9 napravit. A p\u0159itom ze sebe nemus\u00edm d\u011blat \u010dlov\u011bka, kter\u00fdm nejsem.\u201c Takov\u00fd postoj nechr\u00e1n\u00ed ego za ka\u017edou cenu. Chr\u00e1n\u00ed schopnost z\u016fstat v realit\u011b.<\/p>\n
N\u011bkdy se odpov\u011bdnost projev\u00ed omluvou. Jindy zm\u011bnou dohody, jasn\u011bj\u0161\u00edm vymezen\u00edm nebo rozhodnut\u00edm, \u017ee do stejn\u00e9 situace u\u017e nevstoup\u00edte stejn\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem. A n\u011bkdy spo\u010d\u00edv\u00e1 pr\u00e1v\u011b v tom, \u017ee p\u0159estanete n\u00e9st ciz\u00ed emoce jako \u00fa\u010det za vlastn\u00ed existenci. Vina chce rychl\u00fd rozsudek. Odpov\u011bdnost snese p\u0159esn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed a ti\u0161\u0161\u00ed pohled na to, co se skute\u010dn\u011b stalo.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Jak rozli\u0161it vinu a odpov\u011bdnost, kdy\u017e po konfliktu z\u016fst\u00e1v\u00e1 zmatek? Poznejte rozd\u00edl mezi p\u0159evzet\u00edm d\u016fsledk\u016f a nesen\u00edm ciz\u00edho b\u0159emene v bl\u00edzk\u00e9m vztahu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[112],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33894","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-vzorce-chovani-a-reakce"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33894","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33894"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33894\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33894"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33894"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33894"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}