N\u011bkdy si \u010dlov\u011bk v\u0161imne hranic a\u017e ve chv\u00edli, kdy je d\u00e1vno p\u0159ekro\u010dil. Ne ve velk\u00e9m konfliktu, ale v drobn\u00e9m okam\u017eiku po hovoru: souhlasil s n\u011b\u010d\u00edm, co necht\u011bl, omluvil se za p\u0159im\u011b\u0159enou reakci nebo za\u010dal vysv\u011btlovat v\u011bc, kterou vysv\u011btlovat nemusel. Tento pr\u016fvodce obnovou osobn\u00edch hranic neza\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 radou b\u00fdt d\u016frazn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed. Za\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 p\u0159esn\u011bji: v\u0161imnout si, ve kter\u00fdch situac\u00edch se od sebe vzdalujete a co v\u00e1s k tomu vede.<\/p>\n
Obnova hranic neb\u00fdv\u00e1 ot\u00e1zkou jedn\u00e9 v\u011bty ani rozhodnut\u00ed, \u017ee odte\u010f budete \u0159\u00edkat ne. U mnoha lid\u00ed je p\u0159izp\u016fsobov\u00e1n\u00ed star\u00fd, dob\u0159e nacvi\u010den\u00fd zp\u016fsob, jak udr\u017eet vztah, klid, p\u0159ijet\u00ed nebo pocit bezpe\u010d\u00ed. Pokud se tento mechanismus nepojmenuje, m\u016f\u017ee se i zd\u00e1nliv\u011b zdrav\u00e1 snaha o hranice zm\u011bnit v dal\u0161\u00ed v\u00fdkon. \u010clov\u011bk pak hled\u00e1 spr\u00e1vnou formulaci, ale st\u00e1le nev\u00ed, co vlastn\u011b c\u00edt\u00ed, chce nebo pova\u017euje za p\u0159ijateln\u00e9.<\/p>\n
Hranice se \u010dasto nerozpadaj\u00ed p\u0159i zjevn\u00e9 agresi. Mnohem \u010dast\u011bji se rozvol\u0148uj\u00ed v situac\u00edch, kter\u00e9 lze snadno zleh\u010dit. Kolega se opakovan\u011b obrac\u00ed s \u00fakolem na posledn\u00ed chv\u00edli a vy ho p\u0159evezmete, proto\u017ee by jinak vznikl probl\u00e9m. Partner po va\u0161\u00ed n\u00e1mitce ztichne, uraz\u00ed se nebo za\u010dne mluvit o tom, jak jste se zm\u011bnili. Rodi\u010d o\u010dek\u00e1v\u00e1 dostupnost, kterou u\u017e ve sv\u00e9m \u017eivot\u011b nem\u00e1te, a ka\u017ed\u00e9 odm\u00edtnut\u00ed doprov\u00e1z\u00ed pocitem, \u017ee mu n\u011bco dlu\u017e\u00edte.<\/p>\n
V takov\u00fdch chv\u00edl\u00edch neb\u00fdv\u00e1 hlavn\u00edm probl\u00e9mem samotn\u00e1 \u017e\u00e1dost druh\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka. Rozhoduj\u00edc\u00ed je, co se stane uvnit\u0159 v\u00e1s. Mo\u017en\u00e1 se objev\u00ed nap\u011bt\u00ed v t\u011ble, rychl\u00e1 vina nebo nutk\u00e1n\u00ed situaci okam\u017eit\u011b uklidnit. Mo\u017en\u00e1 za\u010dnete pochybovat, zda va\u0161e pot\u0159eba nen\u00ed p\u0159ehnan\u00e1. A mo\u017en\u00e1 po rozhovoru dlouho p\u0159ehr\u00e1v\u00e1te, co jste \u0159ekli, zat\u00edmco druh\u00fd u\u017e t\u00e9ma d\u00e1vno pustil.<\/p>\n
To jsou d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9 informace. Nejsou d\u016fkazem, \u017ee jste slab\u00ed nebo konfliktn\u00ed. Ukazuj\u00ed m\u00edsto, kde se va\u0161e vn\u00edm\u00e1n\u00ed st\u0159et\u00e1v\u00e1 s nau\u010den\u00fdm p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010den\u00edm, \u017ee vztah udr\u017e\u00edte jen tehdy, kdy\u017e ustoup\u00edte.<\/p>\n
Zdrav\u00e1 hranice nen\u00ed pokus druh\u00e9ho vychovat, p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010dit nebo potrestat. Je to informace o tom, \u010deho se \u00fa\u010dastn\u00edte a \u010deho ne. M\u016f\u017ee zn\u00edt velmi prost\u011b: dnes to nevezmu, o tomto se nechci bavit t\u00edmto t\u00f3nem, pot\u0159ebuji si to promyslet, te\u010f nejsem k dispozici.<\/p>\n
Druh\u00e1 strana s t\u00edm nemus\u00ed b\u00fdt spokojen\u00e1. Pr\u00e1v\u011b to b\u00fdv\u00e1 pro mnoho lid\u00ed nejt\u011b\u017e\u0161\u00ed. Pokud byl v\u00e1\u0161 vztah dlouho postaven\u00fd na tom, \u017ee se p\u0159izp\u016fsob\u00edte, zm\u011bna m\u016f\u017ee vyvolat nesouhlas, tlak nebo obvin\u011bn\u00ed. Nesouhlas druh\u00e9ho ale s\u00e1m o sob\u011b neznamen\u00e1, \u017ee va\u0161e hranice nen\u00ed opr\u00e1vn\u011bn\u00e1.<\/p>\n
Z\u00e1le\u017e\u00ed samoz\u0159ejm\u011b na kontextu. Ve vztahu s d\u00edt\u011btem, v pr\u00e1ci, v p\u00e9\u010di o bl\u00edzk\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka nebo v partnersk\u00e9m sou\u017eit\u00ed existuj\u00ed z\u00e1vazky, kter\u00e9 nelze vy\u0159e\u0161it pouh\u00fdm odm\u00edtnut\u00edm. Hranice zde nemusej\u00ed znamenat odchod ze situace. Mohou znamenat, \u017ee p\u0159estanete n\u00e9st celou odpov\u011bdnost sami, jasn\u011bji rozd\u011bl\u00edte mo\u017enosti nebo odm\u00edtnete komunikaci, kter\u00e1 v\u00e1s poni\u017euje \u010di mate.<\/p>\n
P\u0159ed t\u00edm, ne\u017e zareagujete, je u\u017eite\u010dn\u00e9 odd\u011blit n\u011bkolik vrstev, kter\u00e9 se pod tlakem \u010dasto sm\u00edchaj\u00ed. Co se skute\u010dn\u011b stalo? Co jste si o tom vylo\u017eili? A co ve v\u00e1s vyvolala reakce druh\u00e9ho?<\/p>\n
P\u0159edstavte si situaci, kdy partner \u0159ekne: Kdy\u017e to te\u010f neud\u011bl\u00e1\u0161, zase v\u0161echno z\u016fstane na mn\u011b. Faktem je, \u017ee v\u00e1s \u017e\u00e1d\u00e1 o konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed v\u011bc a sou\u010dasn\u011b hodnot\u00ed va\u0161i spolehlivost. Interpretace m\u016f\u017ee zn\u00edt: Jsem sobec, selh\u00e1v\u00e1m, nem\u00e1m pr\u00e1vo odm\u00edtnout. Vnit\u0159n\u00ed reakce pak p\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed rychle – vina, \u00fazkost, snaha okam\u017eit\u011b dok\u00e1zat, \u017ee takov\u00ed nejste.<\/p>\n
Kdy\u017e se tyto vrstvy nerozli\u0161\u00ed, reagujete na celou sm\u011bs najednou. Ne na konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed \u017e\u00e1dost, ale na star\u00fd strach, \u017ee budete ozna\u010deni za \u0161patn\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka. Obnova hranic proto vy\u017eaduje chv\u00edli zastaven\u00ed. Ne proto, abyste na\u0161li bezchybnou odpov\u011b\u010f, ale abyste nerozhodovali ze zmatku.<\/p>\n
N\u011bkdy pom\u016f\u017ee polo\u017eit si n\u011bkolik prost\u00fdch ot\u00e1zek: Co je po mn\u011b konkr\u00e9tn\u011b cht\u011bno? Co z toho mohu re\u00e1ln\u011b p\u0159evz\u00edt? Co u\u017e je tlak, hodnocen\u00ed nebo p\u0159en\u00e1\u0161en\u00ed odpov\u011bdnosti? A co by se stalo, kdybych nereagoval hned?<\/p>\n
Posledn\u00ed ot\u00e1zka b\u00fdv\u00e1 zvl\u00e1\u0161\u0165 podstatn\u00e1. Lid\u00e9 se slab\u0161\u00edmi hranicemi \u010dasto \u017eij\u00ed v pocitu, \u017ee mus\u00ed odpov\u011bd\u011bt okam\u017eit\u011b. Odklad pak nevn\u00edmaj\u00ed jako norm\u00e1ln\u00ed sou\u010d\u00e1st rozhodov\u00e1n\u00ed, ale jako ohro\u017een\u00ed vztahu. P\u0159itom v\u011bta pot\u0159ebuji se k tomu vr\u00e1tit pozd\u011bji m\u016f\u017ee vytvo\u0159it prostor, ve kter\u00e9m se vr\u00e1t\u00ed vlastn\u00ed \u00fasudek.<\/p>\n
Vina nemus\u00ed znamenat, \u017ee jste ud\u011blali n\u011bco \u0161patn\u011b. N\u011bkdy je jen zn\u00e1mkou toho, \u017ee d\u011bl\u00e1te n\u011bco jinak ne\u017e dosud. Jestli jste byli roky \u010dlov\u011bkem, kter\u00fd vyrovn\u00e1val n\u00e1lady, p\u0159edv\u00eddal pot\u0159eby druh\u00fdch a zmen\u0161oval vlastn\u00ed n\u00e1roky, m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt i p\u0159im\u011b\u0159en\u00e1 zm\u011bna prov\u00e1zena siln\u00fdm nepohodl\u00edm.<\/p>\n
Je dobr\u00e9 rozli\u0161it vinu od odpov\u011bdnosti. Odpov\u011bdnost se pt\u00e1, zda jste jednali f\u00e9rov\u011b, zda jste splnili sv\u00e9 z\u00e1vazky a zda jste druh\u00e9mu sd\u011blili svou pozici srozumiteln\u011b. Vina \u010dasto opakuje n\u011bco jin\u00e9ho: druh\u00fd je nespokojen\u00fd, proto mus\u00edm ustoupit. Tyto dv\u011b v\u011bci nejsou toto\u017en\u00e9.<\/p>\n
Praktick\u00fd rozd\u00edl je vid\u011bt v komunikaci. M\u00edsto dlouh\u00e9ho vysv\u011btlov\u00e1n\u00ed, kter\u00e9 m\u00e1 druh\u00e9ho p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010dit o opr\u00e1vn\u011bnosti va\u0161eho rozhodnut\u00ed, m\u016f\u017eete sd\u011blit podstatn\u00e9 a z\u016fstat u n\u011bj. \u010c\u00edm v\u00edce \u010dlov\u011bk sv\u00e9 ne obhajuje, t\u00edm v\u00edce m\u016f\u017ee necht\u011bn\u011b otev\u0159\u00edt prostor k vyjedn\u00e1v\u00e1n\u00ed o vlastn\u00edch hranic\u00edch.<\/p>\n
To neznamen\u00e1 b\u00fdt chladn\u00fd nebo odm\u00edtav\u00fd. Ve vztaz\u00edch, na kter\u00fdch v\u00e1m z\u00e1le\u017e\u00ed, m\u00e1 smysl uznat dopad sv\u00e9 volby na druh\u00e9ho. Lze \u0159\u00edct, \u017ee rozum\u00edte jeho zklam\u00e1n\u00ed, a p\u0159itom nem\u011bnit rozhodnut\u00ed jen proto, aby zklam\u00e1n\u00ed zmizelo. Empatie nen\u00ed tot\u00e9\u017e co kapitulace.<\/p>\n
Obnova hranic b\u00fdv\u00e1 slo\u017eit\u011bj\u0161\u00ed tam, kde po ka\u017ed\u00e9m pokusu o vymezen\u00ed n\u00e1sleduje zpochybn\u011bn\u00ed. Sly\u0161\u00edte, \u017ee jste p\u0159ecitliv\u011bl\u00ed, \u017ee si v\u011bci pamatujete \u0161patn\u011b, \u017ee si zbyte\u010dn\u011b vytv\u00e1\u0159\u00edte drama nebo \u017ee by to jin\u00e9mu \u010dlov\u011bku nevadilo. Jednotliv\u00e1 v\u011bta m\u016f\u017ee p\u016fsobit nevinn\u011b. V opakov\u00e1n\u00ed ale m\u016f\u017ee naru\u0161ovat d\u016fv\u011bru ve vlastn\u00ed vn\u00edm\u00e1n\u00ed.<\/p>\n
V t\u00e9to dynamice nen\u00ed v\u017edy u\u017eite\u010dn\u00e9 sna\u017eit se druh\u00e9mu vysv\u011btlit, co p\u0159esn\u011b ud\u011blal \u0161patn\u011b. N\u011bkdy se rozhovor st\u00e1le vrac\u00ed k tomu, zda m\u00e1te pr\u00e1vo n\u011bco c\u00edtit, m\u00edsto aby se \u0159e\u0161ilo, jak spolu budete jednat. D\u016fle\u017eit\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e vyhr\u00e1t spor o interpretaci m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt pojmenovat vlastn\u00ed hranici: Tento zp\u016fsob rozhovoru pro m\u011b nen\u00ed v po\u0159\u00e1dku. Nebudu pokra\u010dovat, pokud se bude zpochyb\u0148ovat, co jsem za\u017eil.<\/p>\n
Tato v\u011bta nezaru\u010d\u00ed porozum\u011bn\u00ed. M\u016f\u017ee ale chr\u00e1nit jednu z\u00e1sadn\u00ed v\u011bc: aby se va\u0161e zku\u0161enost nestala p\u0159edm\u011btem ciz\u00edho schvalov\u00e1n\u00ed. Ve stabiln\u00edm vztahu se lid\u00e9 mohou li\u0161it v pohledu na situaci, ani\u017e by jeden druh\u00e9mu bral pr\u00e1vo na vlastn\u00ed pro\u017eitek.<\/p>\n
Velk\u00e9 prohl\u00e1\u0161en\u00ed o zm\u011bn\u011b b\u00fdv\u00e1 n\u011bkdy l\u00e1kav\u00e9, zvl\u00e1\u0161\u0165 kdy\u017e u\u017e \u010dlov\u011bk dlouho c\u00edt\u00ed tlak. \u010casto je ale udr\u017eiteln\u011bj\u0161\u00ed za\u010d\u00edt v m\u00edstech, kde dok\u00e1\u017eete zm\u011bnu un\u00e9st. Neodpov\u011bd\u011bt na zpr\u00e1vu okam\u017eit\u011b. Nevysv\u011btlovat sv\u00e9 rozhodnut\u00ed p\u011btkr\u00e1t. Opravit drobn\u00e9 zkreslen\u00ed, m\u00edsto abyste ho p\u0159e\u0161li. P\u0159estat slibovat n\u011bco, o \u010dem u\u017e v dan\u00e9 chv\u00edli v\u00edte, \u017ee to nespln\u00edte.<\/p>\n
Nejde o techniku, kter\u00e1 funguje stejn\u011b v\u0161ude. N\u011bkde bude pot\u0159eba v\u00edce jasnosti, jinde v\u00edce \u010dasu a v n\u011bkter\u00fdch vztaz\u00edch i p\u0159ijet\u00ed, \u017ee druh\u00fd na va\u0161i zm\u011bnu nebude reagovat zrale. Podstatn\u00e9 je sledovat, zda se p\u0159i sv\u00e9m jedn\u00e1n\u00ed postupn\u011b vrac\u00edte k realit\u011b, nebo zda znovu opou\u0161t\u00edte sami sebe, abyste zabr\u00e1nili nepohodl\u00ed druh\u00e9ho.<\/p>\n
Osobn\u00ed hranice nejsou pevn\u00e1 ze\u010f mezi v\u00e1mi a lidmi. Jsou sp\u00ed\u0161 zp\u016fsobem, jak z\u016fstat ve vztahu p\u0159\u00edtomn\u00ed bez toho, abyste se v n\u011bm museli ztratit. N\u011bkdy se projev\u00ed hlasit\u011b, \u010dast\u011bji v\u0161ak ti\u0161e: t\u00edm, \u017ee si dovol\u00edte v\u011b\u0159it tomu, co vid\u00edte, c\u00edt\u00edte a v\u00edte, je\u0161t\u011b ne\u017e to n\u011bkdo jin\u00fd potvrd\u00ed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Pr\u016fvodce obnovou osobn\u00edch hranic: jak poznat, kde se ztr\u00e1c\u00edte v p\u0159izp\u016fsobov\u00e1n\u00ed, a vracet se k vlastn\u00edmu \u00fasudku bez tvrdosti a viny ve vztaz\u00edch i doma.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[112],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33901","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-vzorce-chovani-a-reakce"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33901"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33901\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}