Nej\u010dast\u011bji to neza\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 velk\u00fdm zlomem. Sp\u00ed\u0161 s\u00e9ri\u00ed mal\u00fdch moment\u016f, kter\u00e9 se snadno p\u0159ehl\u00e9dnou. Po rozhovoru si \u0159\u00edk\u00e1te, \u017ee jste to asi zase p\u0159ehnali. P\u0159ed odpov\u011bd\u00ed si rychle kontrolujete, jak to druh\u00fd vezme. A n\u011bco, co jste d\u0159\u00edv v\u011bd\u011bli pom\u011brn\u011b jasn\u011b, najednou mus\u00edte dlouze ov\u011b\u0159ovat. Pr\u00e1v\u011b tak \u010dasto vypadaj\u00ed varovn\u00e9 zn\u00e1mky ztr\u00e1ty sebe – ne dramaticky, ale vytrvale.<\/p>\n
Ztr\u00e1ta sebe neznamen\u00e1, \u017ee \u010dlov\u011bk nev\u00ed, kdo je. \u010cast\u011bji znamen\u00e1, \u017ee se postupn\u011b vzdaluje vlastn\u00edmu vn\u00edm\u00e1n\u00ed, \u00fasudku a p\u0159irozen\u00e9 vnit\u0159n\u00ed orientaci. Navenek m\u016f\u017ee fungovat dob\u0159e. Chod\u00ed do pr\u00e1ce, pe\u010duje o rodinu, rozhoduje, zvl\u00e1d\u00e1 tlak. Uvnit\u0159 se ale n\u011bco posouv\u00e1. M\u00e9n\u011b d\u016fv\u011b\u0159uje tomu, co c\u00edt\u00ed. Snadn\u011bji o sob\u011b pochybuje. A st\u00e1le \u010dast\u011bji reaguje podle okol\u00ed, ne podle sebe.<\/p>\n
P\u0159izp\u016fsoben\u00ed samo o sob\u011b nen\u00ed probl\u00e9m. Ve vztaz\u00edch je b\u011b\u017en\u00e9 a n\u011bkdy i pot\u0159ebn\u00e9. Pot\u00ed\u017e za\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 ve chv\u00edli, kdy u\u017e nejde o v\u011bdomou volbu, ale o automatick\u00fd zp\u016fsob p\u0159e\u017eit\u00ed. \u010clov\u011bk p\u0159est\u00e1v\u00e1 zva\u017eovat, co chce, co mu d\u00e1v\u00e1 smysl nebo kde m\u00e1 hranici. Nejd\u0159\u00edv jen ustoup\u00ed v mal\u00e9 v\u011bci. Pak za\u010dne n\u011bkter\u00e1 t\u00e9mata rad\u011bji v\u016fbec neotev\u00edrat. Pozd\u011bji u\u017e si ani nev\u0161imne, \u017ee se z rozhovor\u016f vrac\u00ed v nap\u011bt\u00ed, se sta\u017een\u00fdm t\u011blem nebo s pocitem, \u017ee zase nebyl \u00fapln\u011b p\u0159\u00edtomn\u00fd.<\/p>\n
To b\u00fdv\u00e1 jeden z prvn\u00edch jemn\u00fdch sign\u00e1l\u016f. Ne to, \u017ee se ob\u010das p\u0159izp\u016fsob\u00edte, ale \u017ee se bez p\u0159izp\u016fsoben\u00ed nec\u00edt\u00edte bezpe\u010dn\u011b. \u017de p\u0159edem odhadujete n\u00e1ladu druh\u00e9ho, t\u00f3n situace nebo mo\u017en\u00e9 d\u016fsledky nesouhlasu. A podle toho upravujete svoje chov\u00e1n\u00ed d\u0159\u00edv, ne\u017e v\u016fbec zazn\u00edte.<\/p>\n
Takov\u00e9 nastaven\u00ed je \u010dast\u00e9 v partnersk\u00fdch vztaz\u00edch, v rodin\u00e1ch i v pracovn\u00edch t\u00fdmech. Zvenku m\u016f\u017ee p\u016fsobit jako ohleduplnost nebo diplomacie. Ve skute\u010dnosti v n\u011bm ale \u010dasto b\u011b\u017e\u00ed strach z konfliktu, odm\u00edtnut\u00ed, zesm\u011b\u0161n\u011bn\u00ed nebo dlouh\u00e9ho emo\u010dn\u00edho tlaku po tom, co vyslov\u00edte n\u011bco nepohodln\u00e9ho.<\/p>\n
Mnoho lid\u00ed \u010dek\u00e1, \u017ee ztr\u00e1ta sebe bude spojena s viditeln\u00fdm kolapsem, vyho\u0159en\u00edm nebo dramatick\u00fdm odchodem ze vztahu. Jen\u017ee \u010dasto m\u00e1 mnohem ti\u0161\u0161\u00ed podobu. Vypad\u00e1 jako chronick\u00e1 nerozhodnost, p\u0159ehnan\u00e9 vysv\u011btlov\u00e1n\u00ed, pot\u0159eba obh\u00e1jit i velmi z\u00e1kladn\u00ed pocity nebo neschopnost rychle rozpoznat, co je je\u0161t\u011b moje a co u\u017e je tlak okol\u00ed.<\/p>\n
Typick\u00fd moment vypad\u00e1 t\u0159eba takto: n\u011bkdo v\u00e1m \u0159ekne n\u011bco zra\u0148uj\u00edc\u00edho, vy to v danou chv\u00edli c\u00edt\u00edte pom\u011brn\u011b jasn\u011b, ale b\u011bhem n\u011bkolika minut za\u010dnete vlastn\u00ed reakci zpochyb\u0148ovat. Mo\u017en\u00e1 jste to \u0161patn\u011b pochopili. Mo\u017en\u00e1 byl druh\u00fd jen unaven\u00fd. Mo\u017en\u00e1 jste p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 citliv\u00ed. Mo\u017en\u00e1 jste to vyprovokovali. Samotn\u00e9 hled\u00e1n\u00ed souvislost\u00ed nen\u00ed probl\u00e9m. Probl\u00e9m je, kdy\u017e se jasn\u00e1 zku\u0161enost pravideln\u011b rozpou\u0161t\u00ed d\u0159\u00edv, ne\u017e ji v\u016fbec sta\u010d\u00edte pojmenovat.<\/p>\n
Tady se \u010dasto l\u00e1me d\u016fv\u011bra ve vlastn\u00ed vn\u00edm\u00e1n\u00ed. Ne jednou v\u011btou, ale opakov\u00e1n\u00edm. Ne t\u00edm, \u017ee n\u011bkdo ob\u010das nesouhlas\u00ed, ale t\u00edm, \u017ee va\u0161e zku\u0161enost nem\u00e1 v prostoru vztahu stabiln\u00ed m\u00edsto.<\/p>\n
\u010clov\u011bk, kter\u00fd ztr\u00e1c\u00ed s\u00e1m sebe, neb\u00fdv\u00e1 nutn\u011b pasivn\u00ed ani slab\u00fd. \u010casto jde naopak o velmi schopn\u00e9ho, vn\u00edmav\u00e9ho a zodpov\u011bdn\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka. Pr\u00e1v\u011b proto vydr\u017e\u00ed dlouho fungovat i v prost\u0159ed\u00ed, kter\u00e9 ho postupn\u011b deformuje. Um\u00ed n\u00e9st hodn\u011b. Um\u00ed vysv\u011btlovat, analyzovat, ch\u00e1pat souvislosti. Jen\u017ee n\u011bkdy rozum\u011bn\u00ed druh\u00fdm za\u010dne p\u0159eva\u017eovat nad kontaktem se sebou.<\/p>\n
Pak se objevuj\u00ed situace, kdy p\u0159esn\u011b rozum\u00edte tomu, pro\u010d se druh\u00fd chov\u00e1, jak se chov\u00e1, ale \u010d\u00edm d\u00e1l m\u00e9n\u011b rozum\u00edte tomu, co to d\u011bl\u00e1 s v\u00e1mi. Dok\u00e1\u017eete popsat jeho tlak, jeho historii, jeho slabiny i jeho obrany. Zato vlastn\u00ed bolest minimalizujete. Jako by byla vedlej\u0161\u00ed, p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 subjektivn\u00ed nebo nedostate\u010dn\u011b opr\u00e1vn\u011bn\u00e1.<\/p>\n
To je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00fd rozd\u00edl. Psychologick\u00e9 porozum\u011bn\u00ed je\u0161t\u011b neznamen\u00e1 vnit\u0159n\u00ed stabilitu. N\u011bkdy naopak slou\u017e\u00ed jako zp\u016fsob, jak nevn\u00edmat dopad reality na sebe.<\/p>\n
Jedna z m\u00e9n\u011b n\u00e1padn\u00fdch oblast\u00ed, kde se to ukazuje, je rozhodov\u00e1n\u00ed. Nejde jen o velk\u00e1 \u017eivotn\u00ed rozhodnut\u00ed. Sp\u00ed\u0161 o ka\u017edodenn\u00ed mikrosituace. Co chci odpov\u011bd\u011bt. Co u\u017e nechci d\u00e1l tolerovat. Jestli na n\u011bco k\u00fdvnout. Jestli n\u011bco \u0159\u00edct te\u010f, nebo to zase odlo\u017eit.<\/p>\n
Kdy\u017e je \u010dlov\u011bk v kontaktu se sebou, neznamen\u00e1 to, \u017ee se rozhoduje v\u017edy snadno. Znamen\u00e1 to ale, \u017ee m\u00e1 k dispozici n\u011bjak\u00fd vnit\u0159n\u00ed kompas. M\u016f\u017ee si v\u011bci rozm\u00fd\u0161let, ale neztr\u00e1c\u00ed p\u0159i tom \u00fapln\u011b vlastn\u00ed osu. Kdy\u017e o ni p\u0159ich\u00e1z\u00ed, rozhodov\u00e1n\u00ed se m\u011bn\u00ed v nekone\u010dn\u00e9 porovn\u00e1v\u00e1n\u00ed mo\u017en\u00fdch reakc\u00ed okol\u00ed. Co bude bezpe\u010dn\u00e9. Co bude p\u0159ijateln\u00e9. Co nespust\u00ed dal\u0161\u00ed tlak.<\/p>\n
Navenek to m\u016f\u017ee p\u016fsobit jako nerozhodnost. Uvnit\u0159 je to \u010dasto n\u011bco jin\u00e9ho – oslaben\u00e1 d\u016fv\u011bra, \u017ee si mohu dovolit \u0159\u00eddit se i t\u00edm, co vn\u00edm\u00e1m j\u00e1.<\/p>\n
To b\u00fdv\u00e1 vy\u010derp\u00e1vaj\u00edc\u00ed. Nejen proto, \u017ee \u010dlov\u011bk dlouho v\u00e1h\u00e1, ale proto\u017ee si postupn\u011b p\u0159est\u00e1v\u00e1 v\u011b\u0159it i tam, kde d\u0159\u00edv jasno m\u011bl. A pr\u00e1v\u011b to je jedna z nejv\u00fdrazn\u011bj\u0161\u00edch varovn\u00fdch zn\u00e1mek ztr\u00e1ty sebe. Ne \u017ee nezn\u00e1te v\u0161echny odpov\u011bdi, ale \u017ee se za\u010dnete odpojovat od vlastn\u00edch orienta\u010dn\u00edch bod\u016f.<\/p>\n
Velmi p\u0159esn\u00fd sign\u00e1l b\u00fdv\u00e1 to, co ve v\u00e1s z\u016fst\u00e1v\u00e1 po kontaktu s ur\u010dit\u00fdm \u010dlov\u011bkem. Ne b\u011bhem n\u011bj, ale t\u011bsn\u011b po n\u011bm. C\u00edt\u00edte vinu, sta\u017een\u00ed, pot\u0159ebu se dovysv\u011btlit nebo opravit dojem. P\u0159itom kdy\u017e se pokus\u00edte p\u0159esn\u011b popsat, co se vlastn\u011b stalo, nen\u00ed to jednoduch\u00e9. Nebyl tam otev\u0159en\u00fd \u00fatok. Nebyla tam jasn\u00e1 ur\u00e1\u017eka. A p\u0159esto odch\u00e1z\u00edte men\u0161\u00ed, nejist\u00ed, rozhozen\u00ed.<\/p>\n
Takov\u00e9 situace se \u010dasto bagatelizuj\u00ed pr\u00e1v\u011b proto, \u017ee jsou t\u011b\u017eko uchopiteln\u00e9. Jen\u017ee psychologick\u00fd dopad nevznik\u00e1 jen z toho, co je hrub\u00e9 a zjevn\u00e9. Vznik\u00e1 i z opakovan\u00fdch drobn\u00fdch posun\u016f, ve kter\u00fdch se va\u0161e realita odsouv\u00e1 stranou. M\u016f\u017ee j\u00edt o ironii, zpochyb\u0148ov\u00e1n\u00ed, p\u0159epis v\u00fdznamu, obracen\u00ed odpov\u011bdnosti nebo jemn\u00fd tlak, abyste svou reakci rychle st\u00e1hli.<\/p>\n
Pokud se po ur\u010dit\u00fdch rozhovorech pravideln\u011b c\u00edt\u00edte provinileji ne\u017e jasn\u011bji, stoj\u00ed za to zbyst\u0159it. Nen\u00ed to automaticky d\u016fkaz manipulace. Ale je to informace. A n\u011bkdy velmi d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e1.<\/p>\n
Jedn\u00edm z d\u016fvod\u016f je zvyk. Na psychick\u00fd tlak se d\u00e1 adaptovat podobn\u011b jako na hluk. To, co by v\u00e1m d\u0159\u00edv p\u0159ipadalo nep\u0159ijateln\u00e9, za\u010dne p\u016fsobit norm\u00e1ln\u011b jen proto, \u017ee je to \u010dast\u00e9. Druh\u00fdm d\u016fvodem je loajalita. K partnerovi, rodi\u010di, autorit\u011b, syst\u00e9mu, t\u00fdmu. \u010clov\u011bk nechce ukvapen\u011b soudit. Nechce b\u00fdt nespravedliv\u00fd. A \u010dasto m\u00e1 zku\u0161enost, \u017ee vlastn\u00ed nepohodl\u00ed je n\u011bco, co se m\u00e1 nejd\u0159\u00edv vydr\u017eet, vysv\u011btlit nebo p\u0159ekonat.<\/p>\n
Dal\u0161\u00edm faktorem je identita. Lid\u00e9, kte\u0159\u00ed jsou zvykl\u00ed b\u00fdt kompetentn\u00ed, rozumn\u00ed a odoln\u00ed, si ztr\u00e1tu sebe \u010dasto nep\u0159ipou\u0161t\u011bj\u00ed pr\u00e1v\u011b proto, \u017ee neodpov\u00edd\u00e1 jejich obrazu o sob\u011b. Kdy\u017e u\u017e c\u00edt\u00ed zmatek, vysv\u011btluj\u00ed si ho \u00fanavou, p\u0159et\u00ed\u017een\u00edm nebo t\u00edm, \u017ee te\u010f prost\u011b nejsou v nejlep\u0161\u00ed form\u011b. N\u011bkdy to tak skute\u010dn\u011b je. Jindy je ale \u00fanava jen povrch. Pod n\u00ed u\u017e del\u0161\u00ed dobu b\u011b\u017e\u00ed vztahov\u00e1 nebo vnit\u0159n\u00ed dynamika, kter\u00e1 \u010dlov\u011bka vzdaluje od n\u011bj sam\u00e9ho.<\/p>\n
Prvn\u00ed u\u017eite\u010dn\u00fd krok neb\u00fdv\u00e1 zm\u011bna chov\u00e1n\u00ed, ale zp\u0159esn\u011bn\u00ed pozorov\u00e1n\u00ed. Neptat se hned, co s t\u00edm ud\u011bl\u00e1m, ale co se p\u0159esn\u011b d\u011bje. Po kter\u00fdch situac\u00edch o sob\u011b pochybuji? P\u0159ed k\u00fdm se automaticky vysv\u011btluji? U koho ztr\u00e1c\u00edm jednoduchost? Kdy c\u00edt\u00edm tlak b\u00fdt jin\u00fd, m\u011bk\u010d\u00ed, men\u0161\u00ed, p\u0159ijateln\u011bj\u0161\u00ed?<\/p>\n
D\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9 je vracet se ke konkr\u00e9tn\u00edm moment\u016fm, ne k obecn\u00fdm soud\u016fm. M\u00edsto v\u011bty \u201easi jsem moc citliv\u00fd\u201c je p\u0159esn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ot\u00e1zka: co p\u0159esn\u011b bylo \u0159e\u010deno, co jsem v tu chv\u00edli c\u00edtil a co jsem si zak\u00e1zal vyj\u00e1d\u0159it? M\u00edsto \u201enev\u00edm, co se se mnou d\u011bje\u201c m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt u\u017eite\u010dn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed: od kdy jsem za\u010dal pot\u0159ebovat potvrzen\u00ed i u v\u011bc\u00ed, kter\u00e9 jsem d\u0159\u00edv v\u011bd\u011bl bez n\u011bj?<\/p>\n
Tohle nen\u00ed technika pro rychl\u00e9 uklidn\u011bn\u00ed. Je to zp\u016fsob, jak znovu z\u00edskat kontakt s realitou. Ne tou vn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed obecnou, ale s vlastn\u00ed konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed zku\u0161enost\u00ed. Pr\u00e1v\u011b tam se \u010dasto za\u010d\u00edn\u00e1 vracet p\u016fda pod nohama.<\/p>\n
N\u011bkdy se uk\u00e1\u017ee, \u017ee nejde o jeden vztah, ale o star\u0161\u00ed vzorec. \u017de \u010dlov\u011bk dlouhodob\u011b zam\u011b\u0148uje p\u0159ijet\u00ed za p\u0159izp\u016fsoben\u00ed, klid za ml\u010den\u00ed nebo bl\u00edzkost za schopnost vydr\u017eet t\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 cokoliv. Jindy je probl\u00e9m velmi aktu\u00e1ln\u00ed a nav\u00e1zan\u00fd na konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed prost\u0159ed\u00ed, ve kter\u00e9m se postupn\u011b stalo normou, \u017ee va\u0161e vn\u00edm\u00e1n\u00ed m\u00e1 men\u0161\u00ed v\u00e1hu ne\u017e interpretace druh\u00fdch.<\/p>\n
Rozd\u00edl mezi t\u011bmito variantami je podstatn\u00fd. Ale v obou p\u0159\u00edpadech plat\u00ed jedno: ztr\u00e1ta sebe se m\u00e1lokdy d\u011bje nar\u00e1z. A pr\u00e1v\u011b proto je dobr\u00e9 br\u00e1t v\u00e1\u017en\u011b i jemn\u00e9 sign\u00e1ly, kter\u00e9 nep\u016fsob\u00ed dost dramaticky na to, aby je okol\u00ed uznalo.<\/p>\n
N\u011bkdy toti\u017e nejde o to, \u017ee byste nev\u011bd\u011bli, kdo jste. Jen jste p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 dlouho \u017eili v podm\u00ednk\u00e1ch, ve kter\u00fdch bylo bezpe\u010dn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed nevych\u00e1zet ze sebe naplno.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Varovn\u00e9 zn\u00e1mky ztr\u00e1ty sebe b\u00fdvaj\u00ed tich\u00e9 a nen\u00e1padn\u00e9. Poznejte, jak se projevuj\u00ed ve vztaz\u00edch, rozhodov\u00e1n\u00ed i ka\u017edodenn\u00edm fungov\u00e1n\u00ed.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[112],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33889","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-vzorce-chovani-a-reakce"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33889","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33889"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33889\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33889"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33889"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.martinaocadlikova.cz\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33889"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}