In recent years, I’ve increasingly been meeting young people under tremendous stress. School, performance, expectations, comparison. When I sit down with them and ask what’s bothering them, I often hear things like:
- “I have to get amazing grades, or I won’t get into university.”
- “My parents say I’ll be nothing without a degree.”
- “I’m always exhausted, but I still have to study.”
- “I don’t know what I want to do, but everyone else already has a plan.”
- “I can’t afford to fail.”
And then comes the saddest sentence of all:
“I’m just not good enough.”
Parents, teachers, and even students themselves constantly compare. “Look at Anna, she gets straight A’s!” “Your older brother always had better results.” We’re teaching children that their worth is measured solely by achievement. But what happens if someone isn’t a top student? Does that mean they have no future?
I once heard a teacher say: “If you try hard enough, you’ll become something one day.”
But what if that already is something right now?What if they have an extraordinary gift that isn’t graded? What if they’re struggling because their mind simply works differently?
We teach kids that making mistakes is wrong. But life is built on mistakes and learning from them. At work, we figure things out as we go. In life, we move forward by learning what doesn’t work and trying new approaches. So how is it that in the adult world, overcoming failure is a story of courage and admiration, while in childhood it’s seen as a reason for punishment?
How many students memorize material without ever understanding it? How many learn by heart simply because “that’s how it’s done”? What’s the point of memorizing definitions if we already know that true learning comes through understanding, discussion, and real-world connection?
Let’s stop saying: “You have to get good grades.” Let’s start asking: “What excites you? What gives your learning meaning?”
Let’s teach children that it’s okay to make mistakes. That failure is not the end — it’s part of the process.
And most importantly: Let’s stop comparing.
Every student has their own story. Their own pace. Their own path. There is no single right way.
Maybe it’s time to stop saying “You just have to hold on.” And start asking: “How can I support you, so you can learn with joy?”