I recall a situation from school that still stays with me. It was a perfect example of how much automatic reactions and assumptions can shape the atmosphere in a classroom. automatic reactions and prejudices shape the school environment..
The teacher walked into the room and said:
“I hope everyone brought their notebook.”
He then added that he needed to quickly stop by the teacher's lounge and asked the students to stay quiet.
At that moment, several students realized they didn't have their notebooks.One of them suddenly remembered that notebooks were sold in a vending machine just down the hall. He saw an opportunity to solve the problem - ran out, bought a notebook, and rushed back to class.
But by the time he returned, the teacher was already back. And the moment he saw the student, he immediately started shouting::
“What were you thinking?! Leaving the classroom without permission?! This will go straight to the principal!”
The boy didn’t even get a chance to open his mouth. There were no questions like, “Why were you gone?” or “What happened?”
Just a verdict. Behavior = punishment.
So what really happened here?
The teacher got carried away by his own emotion. He felt responsible for the students, maybe even scared that someone had “escaped,” and his first response was authoritarian aggression.
The student had no chance to explain himself. Even though his actions were motivated by an attempt to fix a mistake — he was trying to follow the very rule the teacher had set (having the notebook).
Bullying followed. The rest of the class saw how explosively the teacher reacted. That gave power to those who were looking for someone to pick on. The student who tried to solve the situation suddenly became “the idiot who got the teacher mad.”
What if the teacher had responded differently?
He could have asked: "I see you were gone - what happened?"
He could have appreciated the effort: "Oh, you went to buy a notebook? That's actually a smart solution. But next time, let me know so I'm aware."
He could have shown mutual respect: “I was surprised you left. I understand you wanted to fix the situation, but next time, it would be better if I knew in advance.”
The result? No yelling. No bullying. No division between “smart teacher vs. defiant student.” Just a normal human moment that could’ve been understood and resolved.
Why is this important to see?
Teachers are only human. They hold responsibility. They’re under pressure. But that doesn’t give them the right to let their emotions take over..
Children learn by example. When they see an authority figure explode, they learn that it’s okay to do the same. When they see someone make a “mistake,” and there’s no room to explain - only punishment - they internalize that pattern.
School should be a place of learning, not a place of fear. It’s not about creating chaos - it’s about making sure students know that when something happens, they have the right to be heard and understood..
A Question to End With
What if we asked "What happened?" more often in everyday life - instead of “How could you do this?!” How much would that change the way we communicate?
And how many instances of bullying, misunderstanding, and unnecessary fear would never even arise?